


Needed

by MSpataro210



Series: Season 12 Inspired [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x03, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Confessions, Dean Has Abandonment Issues, Dean and Cas share a talk, Emotional, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, The foundry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 16:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8409340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MSpataro210/pseuds/MSpataro210
Summary: Dean hasn't been having the best of days, and with Mary gone he feels like the most worthless piece of garbage around.  Thankfully he can talk to someone who doesn't need sleep on those nights when he can't go to sleep.  Even separated, Cas knows how to make Dean feel better.  Can Dean do the same for his sunshine?Coda to 12x03





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this took so long! I usually try to do these things right after the episode but I had other things I had to do.  
> I hope you enjoy!

            Dean is in here more than he should be. He makes sure to never stay long, and if he sits to make sure the sheets always look like they did before he walked in.

            ‘ _Like it matters now…_ ’

            He shifts, legs twisting the covers even more. The pillow under his head is lumpy, and there are springs digging into his back. He flips over and stares at the wall.

            ‘ _Don’t even know why I bother coming in here_ …’

            He breathes in deep. A familiar smell jolts his heart, and sends a shiver down his spine. He chuckles.

            ‘ _That’s why_ …’

            He sighs, and pushes himself to a sitting position. Dean scrubs a hand down his face, the other blindly searching for his phone. He finds it, and turns it on. He has to squint to look at it.

            He thumbs an app open: the phone app. He slides it over to look at his recent calls, and he stops.

            Dean stares at the screen, his mind awhirl, until it goes black. He blinks.

            Swallowing, he turns it back on and hits the number at the top of the list. He puts it to his ear, and can hear the dial tone. His throat goes dry as it starts ringing.

            ‘ _Should I be doing this,_ ’ he thinks, ‘ _I mean, he’s probably busy-‘_

            Before he can pull the phone away, the ringing stops.

            “Dean?”

            “Cas! Hey-hey buddy!” Dean laughs nervously, rubbing at his sheet-covered leg, “What are-what are you doing up?”

            “I don’t normally sleep,” Cas fires back over the phone, “but you already know this. Why are you up?”

            “Oh, you know… _same_.” Dean cringes.

            He’s goes silent. He can feel his leg start to bounce, filled with nervous energy.

            “Dean?” Cas asks, “Was that all you needed to tell me? Because-“

            “Don’t go!” Dean says, too quickly. He coughs, clearing his throat, “I mean,” he continues, “I thought-uh… I thought… you’d want to hear about the latest hunt we went on?”

            “Dean, I…” Cas trails off. Dean can hear him sigh, and imagine him looking out the nearest window, squinting his too blue eyes at the brightest light out there. “A case you say,” Cas continues, softer, “this soon?”

            Dean nods until he remembers Cas can’t see him. “Yeah,” he says, blushing, smiling, “Really weird one up in Minnesota. There was this guy, and he was murdering children to collect them because he went crazy after his own kid died. And, at first, we thought it was the children who were murderin’ the people, but thanks to mom…”

            Now he’s trailing off.

            “Dean?”

            “Mom,” Dean chokes out, “she-uh, she figured out what was _really_ goin’ down. Was the reason we were able to finish the hunt at all. But, in the process, she got possessed-“

            “Is she alright?”

            “Yeah, no, she ‘s fine,” Dean wipes at his eyes, “nothing too bad, physically. But… she got a load of the guy’s mind and it… it freaked her out.”

            “Is she okay now?” Cas asks.

            “She, uh,” Dean starts, but the words choke in his throat. He swallows.

            “She’s handlin’.”

            “Dean-“

            “How’s the hunt for Lucifer,” Dean cuts him off, scratching at his cheek.

            Cas doesn’t say anything for a minute. Dean feels his heart start to beat erratically, and he’s about to blurt something else across the line when Cas finally speaks.

            “It’s cold, for now,” Cas starts, “He’s at the bottom of the ocean.”

            “Jesus!” Dean barks, “Couldn’t get him in the cage?”

            “It wasn’t my first choice,” Cas continues, “when Crowley and I got there-“

            “Crowley?” Dean interrupts again, more annoyed now, “You’re working with _Crowley_?”

            “Trust me, it’s not by choice,” Cas sighs, “but he does have his uses. Although I could do without his snoring.”

            “You sharing a bed, too?”

            “A penthouse,” Cas chuckles, “He’s passed out in a room with a maid and our bellboy. I’m in the living room… they don’t have Netflix.”

            “Shame,” Dean, calmer now, smiles, “So… the ocean? Crowley still miffed about what happened down in Hell?”

            “Actually, by the time he and I figured out where he went, Rowena had already dealt with him.”

            “Rowena? I thought she left this all behind for good?”

            “So did I,” Cas says, “but Crowley roped her back in. She promised that she’d stay out of the way of our investigation but, the second we’re able to, she wants to be the one to send him back into the cage.”

            “Huh,” Dean hums, smile falling from his face. He leans back against the headboard.

            “What?”

            “Oh, nothing-“

            “Dean, please, tell me.”

            “Well,” Dean says, “I just thought, what with Lucifer being at the bottom of the ocean, the hunt might take a sort of… _pause_?”

            “A pause?” Cas huffs, “Dean until Lucifer is back in his cage, I can’t just _pause_ my hunt!”

            “Why not?” Dean demands, pouting and hugging his chest.

           “Because I _can’t_ Dean,” Cas answers, “I just-I have to do this.”

            “You don’t have to do it alone!” Dean fires back, “I mean-not just with Crowley! Tell me where you are and I’ll-I’ll drive there right away.”

            “Dean, please,” Cas says, “you don’t have to-I can’t-Dean you’re needed there.”

            Dean’s words die in his throat. Instead, laughter starts to bubble up, and he is gasping and wheezing into the phone. It takes a long time before it starts to die down, and Dean is wiping away at his tears.

            “Dean?”

            “Cas, buddy,” Dean breathes, “I’m not needed here-I’m-I’m not needed _anywhere_!”

            “What’re you talking abo-“

            “Mom’s gone.”

            “What?”

            “She left,” Dean continues, voice wavering, “just like that! Left Sam ‘n’ I after not being with us for-oh- _most of our lives_!”

            “Dean!”

            “Y’know, I had a feeling it couldn’t last,” Dean cries, hysterical, “I mean, when has anything _good_ ever stuck around for us-for _me_. At one point or another it all ends up _shit_ -“

            “Enough.”

            Cas’s harsh tone startles Dean into silence.

            “Dean Winchester I will here no more of this,” he says, “I want you to take a deep breath, and explain to me what happened.”

            Dean blinks, and does as Cas says. After the first breath, he takes another, and another, and many more until the weight he feels on his chest lessens. Once he feels he can speak without bursting into tears, he does.

            “After the hunt,” Dean starts, “she told us-Sammy and I-what it felt like to have the… _ghost_ possess her. That she got to sit front row to the guys whole history and… it made her think about where she was and-and how she felt she could… _relate_? That she needed some time apart to come to terms with everything-with-with me ‘n’ Sammy being who we are now instead of who we were thirty or so years ago.”

            “That doesn’t sound so bad Dean,” Cas soothes, “she’s not leaving forever.”

            “But what if she is?” Dean whispers, “What if she can never come to terms with the future? What if every time she looks at me she can _only_ see the little boy she lost in the fire? I can’t-I don’t want to cause her that pain, Cas.”

            “Dean, she’s stronger than you think,” Cas says, “Leaving you and Sam must have been the hardest thing for her to do because she loves you two so much. You need to be just as strong for her.”

            “What if,” Dean starts, shakily, “What if I can’t?”

            “Can’t what, Dean?”

            “Can’t be strong,” Dean chokes, “I-it’s been so long. M’tired Cas. Tired of everyone leaving me.”

            “Dean-“

            “Why’d _you_ leave, Cas?”

            “Sorry?”

            “Not a hard question, Cas,” Dean huffs a soundless laugh, “why’d you leave?”

            “I-uh,” Cas coughs, “I need to find Lucifer and return him to-“

            “Bullshit, Cas,” Dean hisses, “Don’t lie to me.”

            “Dean, I-I left…” Cas tries to continue, but can’t. Dean hears him try a few times before Cas finally releases a long sigh.

            “I left, truly, because you do not need me there.”

            “Why the _fuck_ would you even think that Cas?”

            “Because I’m-I’m just not that important,” Cas continues. Dean hears his breathing speed up, and his words are rapid fire. “I make bad calls and only cause you more problems-Lucifer getting out was only my latest of a long list of mistakes. I know you might need me for some hunts but I thought you wouldn’t be heading out so _soon_ and I just want to-I want to prove that I… I can be useful…”

            “Cas, I could less about hunting with or without you,” Dean says, “I want you here because _I_ need you. Just… _you_.”

            “What?” Cas gasps, “What are you saying?”

            “Come _home_.”

            Cas is stunned silent. Dean continues.

            “I miss you. When you-when you walked out today, I wanted to follow you so _bad_ but I was-I knew you had your reasons for going solo so I stayed back. But if that’s why you left I-Cas I don’t think you’re-this just-I… I’m sleeping in your bed.”

            “You are?”

            “Yeah,” Dean chuckles, leaning his head back and blinking back tears, “it sucks. Your sheets are rough, your mattress is lumpy and the pillows are hard as rock but it… it smells like you.”

            “It does?” Dean can hear the corner of Cas’s mouth lift up, and it causes him to smile as well.

            “Yeah,” Dean continues, “Like ozone and a forest fresh from a rain fall and… burnt coffee? I like how you smell and I lo-I like _you_ Cas. I don’t think you’re a tool. I think you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I think you’re so smart and strong… even if you are a little weird. I think-I think you’re family, Cas. I _need_ you.”

            “Dean, I…” Cas says, voice warbling, “I need you, too. Thank you.”

            They stay like that for awhile, just listening to each other breath. Dean closes his eyes, and starts to relax. He can feel sleep edging around the surface. He’s about to slip under when Cas starts talking.

            “Don’t worry too much, Dean,” Cas whispers, “I’m sure your mother will return when she’s ready. And everything will be much easier when she does.”

            “Y’think?” Dean smiles, “I hope so Cas. What about yourself?”

            “I need some more time,” Cas answers, “but… you can always call? Whenever you feel you need to talk or… just if you’re feeling lonely and you’re missing your mother or me… I’m here for you.”

            “Right back atcha, sunshine,” Dean says, “I’m here if you need me. Whether you need a reminder how awesome you are or just want to talk about the next stupid thing Crowley does. I… like talking to you.”

            “So do I.”

            Another beat of silence.

            “I should let you sleep,” Cas says, slowly and sadly, “I hope this conversation has helped somewhat.”

            “You don’t know the half of it, Cas,” Dean smiles, “I hope you find Lucifer soon.”

            “So do I, Dean. Goodnight.”

            “Goodnight Cas,” Dean starts. He hears the line click shut, but he doesn’t remove it from his ear. He swallows.

            “…I love you.”

            He puts the phone back on the nightstand, and slides back down to lay on the bed. He fluffs the pillow once, and then snuggles into it. He breathes in deep, and smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Nice right?  
> Leave a kudos or a comment and let me know what you thought!


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